how do you decide whats better for you?
what you love?
what you like?
what you want?
what you need?
what you deserve?
and what do you do when every last one of those is a different thing?
just feeling conflicted..
One benefit to not having any followers is that on the nights like this, when i have so much on my mind, i can find a way to figure myself out without annoying anyone with my babbling.
since i was little, I’ve always seen at least one marriage work. and it was always my parents. if nothing else went right in this world, i always knew that my family would… which is why i trust that they would know about what they were talking about when it came to love, hard work, and communication.
so tonight me and my dad went out to dinner, just me and him. being the middle child of three girls, a daddy-daughter date NEVER happens. so it was really great to hang out just the two of us. and really interesting too. because my dad(the rough around the edges, high school coach that everyone is afraid of.) said that, “when you date someone, you date them because youre attracted to them.. and then after you hang out for a while you realize that you become their best friend. and i think thats when you love them, because love is when you’re attracted to them, and have a great friendship between the two of you. love is friendship and attraction working together.” Even though I’m 18, i had never had anyone tell me what love is. like i had seen all the movies about how its that one instant moment where you suddenly realize your love and go running through some random obstacles after that person at the last moment so you can confess your love, and i had grown up in church hearing how jesus loves me more than any man ever could. but no one had actually said what it is to be IN love with someone.. but heck. i don’t even know if I’m attracted to someone half the time. and i don’t know what my list would look like if i were to make one.
maybe i should make one.
Everyone wants to leave a mark, or become somebody when they’re about to move on to a new chapter, and I want to do that.. Just in a different way…
Every thirty years something magic happens in Rome
ok. since i was last on here lets recap on all the trouble ive gotten into.
1. january 4th. got in a wreck. totaled my car. hit a fire hydrant. and got the ticket…. greaaat. but thats almost over. so i know the lord has got it.
2. well due to the multiple soccer trips, and other “interesting” things happening in my life. i had a lot of zeros on class assignments. and so six weeks ends this friday but im gonna have everything in this week!
3. feb. 8th. i had an amazing soccer game. so amazing in fact that i ended up spending my wednesday night after the game. in the hospital. people dont take it too lightly when you say that you head and your neck hurts. and ambulance rides are definitely not all that fun. just a concussion and a “spinal strain.” which i think is just a fancy way of say that my neck hurts. haha
sexy huh?? i think so. ;)
p.s. that was after a bunch of medicine, so i look pretty rough. i know.
4. valentines day, prom, and a bunch of other “lovey-dovey” couples crap is coming up. dont get me wrong. i dont want to date. guys are pretty stupid and no guy can provide my happieness. but its at times like these when im reminded by everyone around me that im single. (not alone. but singe… theres a difference.) and i love the fact that my friends have a boyfriend, or are in love or all that other stuff. but i wish someone would understand that i want to have one time in my life that while everyone is out on a date, or dancing with that one special guy. im having a “singles date”(me and my friend wore the nicest blck dresses we had and went out “to show people what theyre missing out on”) or being single at prom without looking like the loser who couldnt find a date. just once. i just want to know what its like to not notice all the “happy couples” around me.
so yeah. thats all the trouble in my life. but i’d atleast like to end on a good note. so bible verses never fail.
"The lord will fight for you. you need only to be still." -exodus 14:14
i know things will pan out. but its just hard right now to see a light through all the darkness. and im not going to pull some cheesy crap like “god is busy writing my love story/amazing life/brilliant soccer season.” but i know hes got a plan. and i know things will make sense later. and ill look back and be like “So thats why i got in a wreck, became concussed, and celebrated 16 years of single awareness in 2012!”
i must appologize for any misspellings, i am kind of out of it right now.(although no drugs.) and im also too lazy to proof read. just know. that everything stated in this. is my thoughts. my misspelled, somewhat confusing, and also over explained thoughts. you are reading the life of taylor.
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